Monday, January 3, 2011

What Type of Mother Hates Her Child?

If you have had a difficult relationship with your mother you have probably asked yourself on many occasions what you are doing wrong to make your mother hate you.  If you were anything like me, every time your mother did something mean to you, the first place you looked was in the mirror.  Much like victims of domestic abuse, daughters of hateful mothers often think that if they can just modify their behavior it will make the relationship in question better.  It is wholly unbelievable, both to the daughter and to most of the world, that a mother could despise a daughter so much that she would treat her terribly.  Thus, when a relationship between a mother and daughter goes awry, it is always the natural inclination to assume that the daughter has done something to deserve it. 

Daughters are not devoid of responsibility when a relationship with their mother goes astray, and in future posts we will investigate exactly what it is a daughter does (or doesn't do) to enable this type of relationship.  For now, let us stay focused on the mother.  What type of mother, exactly, despises her daughter.  The answer is a complex one, one that is hard to grasp by most.  Obviously, not all mothers who dislike their daughters can be lumped into one category.  Their are many reasons and many underlying issues involved when a mother makes a choice to have a dysfunctional relationship with her daughter.  Regardless of what the causes are, the results are usually the same.

The Unfulfilled Mother

The unfulfilled mother is usually the mother whose dreams never came to fruition, usually because she got married and had children.  Normally, this mother is a stay-at-home mother or one who is unhappily employed.  Although this mother may have been loving in the beginning, as time goes by and she fully realizes how her aspirations have been grounded, her love turns to resentment toward the child or children who stood in the way of her dreams.

The Competitive Mother
This one is self explanatory.  This mother sees her daughter as competition.  Usually, the daughter is seen as competition for the attention of the father or other male figure, but she might also be seen as competition for material resources, or the attention of others besides the father.  This mother usually tries to downplay the accomplishments of the daughter and might belittle her child in front of others in an attempt to break the child's self esteem and make the mother look better. 

The Controlling Mother

The name says it all.  This mother feels out of control in other areas of her life and so gets a sense of control by controlling others.  Feeling out of control in her own life may stem from issues in her own childhood, but in any event the only way she feels in control is if people do things her way.  Controlling people can stem to many areas of her life and it would not be unusual if she tries to control her husband, and friends.  Feeling out of control has little to do with her job and more with other situations that have affected her.

Jealous/Vengeful Mother

The jealous mother may also be the unfulfilled mother, but not necessarily so.  If the father shows his beautiful new baby girl loads of attention and ignores her mother, it is easy to see why the mother would become jealous of the daughter.  The daughter has beauty and youth and the ability to capture the attention of daddy and just about every one else.  Thus, her mother becomes jealous because the daughter does what she cannot do.

We must remember that these mothers can display traits that are interchangeable.  We also have to remember that why a mother dislikes her daughter is so complex that simply dumping her into one of four categories will never do the situation justice.  In any event, these meager categories are created to give a general overview to why mothers behave the way they do.

65 comments:

  1. Wow, I never knew there was a support site for this. I am hated by my mother. She admitted it and evicted me from her life. I never did drugs, I never stepped out of line, because even as a child, I knew her affection for me was conditional or non existent. She hated me from the day I was born and should have given me up. This no longer rules my life, but somewhere its always in the back of my mind. No matter how perfect I tried to be, she rejected me. Now, even as an adult, I am successful, I worked really hard to obtain the "ideal" life she said I'd never have and it turned on me. I really guess I believed that if I could prove that I was loveable by marrying the perfect husband of 14 years and going strong; that if I was smart enough, i worked my way through college and work as an RN, bought a pretty house, cars, the list goes on and on, that I would win my mothers love. Nope, never happened. Its awful and it leaves a mark on a person. Its a source of deep pain. She denied me a family. When I was 17 she remarried another man and I was a little too pretty, so she kicked me out. I had to figure life out. I made good choices and I have only one regret..that I was not born to family who would have loved me.

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    1. I feel your pain motherlessmoma. I found out that by my sister that my mother tried to abort me at 7 months because she did not want her mother to know that she was fooling around with her boyfriend behind her back and ended up being pregnant by me. Well, her mother found out and of course she disowned my mother and me which I had nothing to do with. My mother beat me with objects I do not think a prisoner would get hit with. She scolded me with boiling water, caused me to have 3rd degree burns on the back of my legs. She humiliated me in public and in front of my other siblings by calling me useless, dumb, stupid. She even went as far as to curse my friends out who came to see me. I have a very caring and giving nature and tried to please my mother in any and everyway I knew how. When my oldest brother molested me at 8 years old, I tried to tell her but she would not listen so I burned his bed. When I told the fireman what my brother did, I was looking for a hug or something from my mother, she looked at me with distain and turned her head. When I was a teen, a friend of mine mother saw the scars on my legs so I told her how I was treated at home, the mother confronted my mother. Of course my mother always played the victim when confronted on how she treats me. When my friend mother left, I got a beating I will never forget, I got stomped, pushed, slapped punched, you name it. She told me to my face "I can't Stand you! I never understood why. Now that I am older, it is still that same. I am married, owned two homes, the only person out of 8 siblings with a college degree which she and none of my siblings attened the ceremony. I forgave her because I figured it was because of her past. When she turned 70, I was the only person who took care of her, stood in the social services line to get her medicaid and other services, bought her clothes and furniture for her assisted living apt, tvs, medicine, you name it. She even ask me to handle her finances for her which I did to make sure her bills were paid on time. One day while handling her finances I ran across an insurance policy where she was paying the premium which I figured was way to much for a senior citizen to be paying. I called the company and they told me that my oldest sister was the sole beneficiary of a $250,000 policy. I asked my mother about and she stated that she did not know that was what she signed, she thought that it was for a little money to bury her so the family would not struggle with money.

      The most hurtful thing my mother did to me was metro access called me and told me that my mother did not come to the door for her pick up to go to senior day care, which I arranged, I called and she stated that she was sick. I called 911, whe went to the hospital and low and behold, my oldest sister was there first who has not seen my mother for over 5 years and she lives 10 minutes from her! She was, maybe hoping my mother would hurry up and die so she can collect on the insurance policy. I questioned my sister about it and she got irrate with me so I left. The following day, I receive a court order my sister wrote terrible lies about me to appear in court. She had my mother with her, walker and all in the snow and my mother took her side. My mother even went as far as to tell the judge that I have done nothing for her. I was ordered to not see my mother for a whole year. After that day, I promised myself I want nothing to do with my mother or sister. My sister is pure evil just like her mother. To me, this was a biblical moment because I felt persecuted for helping my own mother. Never again. I thank God I have a loving husband who does not look at my physical appearance but my true self.

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    2. You know, compared to your mom, mine is an angel.
      We may be struggling with internal questions brought about by this kind of treatment from the person who we thought will never let us down. You see, Mothers don't own us. They are just our caretakers and obviously, ours did a bad job at it. I always ask myself "what is wrong with me?". But you, you manage to do a lot of stuff for your mom in spite of every thing. You're sort of heroic that way and I because of that, you will be greatly rewarded.

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    3. Motherlessmomma: I feel exactly the way u did. I am fresh in the situation but i am inspired by u now so u gave me strength to move upwards thanks.

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    4. I have so much love in my heart for you all... we are the orphaned tribe.

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    5. I have so much love in my heart for you all... we are the orphaned tribe.

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    6. I need a help. Please someone help me in that . I am studying in 12th . She hates me for no reason . After my brother's birth her atitude changed towards me . No she hates me for no reason. Even she had burnt me on ma arms . Please someone help me . I want to get loved and caredby her .

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    7. I am 40 years old. My mother hates me so much still to this day and from the day I was born. No one has ever loved me my whole life. It is hard to live this way. My mother hates me soo much for no reason. she is still trying to ruin my life and my childrens lives. I was always a almost perfect child. always listened never mis behaved never lied cheeted or stole or did drugs or drank. always got a b average in school. i was the perfect little girl any mother could dream of. And she hated me for it and still does. because she is pure evil.. Unlike both of my brothers. She always made up lies about me...ruined every friendship i ever had...took everything i ever loved from me ...includeing manipulating my oldest duaghter....whom i was a wonderful mother...into abandoning her little sister and I...and going to live with her. She hates my guts because I am good and she is evil....she could not stand to look at all my goodness and beauty ...because she was so jealous and filled with hate....she never could be like me......I have not spoken to my daughter in two years my baby and i miss her so much...i have tried to contact me ...and it is like my mother is whispering in her ear....It is not you....it is these sick woman calling themselves mother...whom never should have been allowed to have little girls...She has ruined my life with her lies...manipulating...and evil hatred that she will not quit doing it to me...and now my daughters.....I if she knows where i live...somehow she spreads horrible lies and rumors about me.....and tears apart everything beautiful i build for my baby daughter....I will move to a new town in a new state.....every thing is beautiful...until about two months...then some cloud of black evil hatred catches up to us ...and destroys our lives and breaks our hearts again.....
      I just want away from her abuse....and she hates me so much even now at forty years....she will not leave my life alone...to just be beautiful..like i make it....HOW CAN I TAKE MY TEN YEAR OLD DAUGHTER TO A NEW TOWN IN A NEW STATE..AND BE FREE FROM HER ABUSE AND HATRED...AND THE DESTROYING OF OUR LIVES WITH HER...MANIPULATING...LIING AND RUMOR SPREADING....SHE WORKS FOR A RETIRED POLICE OFFICER WHOM HAS FAMILY THAT ARE CURRENTLY POLICE.....how can I disapear off her radar...so my beautiful daughter does not have to endure her torment and abuse anymore...

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    8. I am 40 years old. My mother hates me so much still to this day and from the day I was born. No one has ever loved me my whole life. It is hard to live this way. My mother hates me soo much for no reason. she is still trying to ruin my life and my childrens lives. I was always a almost perfect child. always listened never mis behaved never lied cheeted or stole or did drugs or drank. always got a b average in school. i was the perfect little girl any mother could dream of. And she hated me for it and still does. because she is pure evil.. Unlike both of my brothers. She always made up lies about me...ruined every friendship i ever had...took everything i ever loved from me ...includeing manipulating my oldest duaghter....whom i was a wonderful mother...into abandoning her little sister and I...and going to live with her. She hates my guts because I am good and she is evil....she could not stand to look at all my goodness and beauty ...because she was so jealous and filled with hate....she never could be like me......I have not spoken to my daughter in two years my baby and i miss her so much...i have tried to contact me ...and it is like my mother is whispering in her ear....It is not you....it is these sick woman calling themselves mother...whom never should have been allowed to have little girls...She has ruined my life with her lies...manipulating...and evil hatred that she will not quit doing it to me...and now my daughters.....I if she knows where i live...somehow she spreads horrible lies and rumors about me.....and tears apart everything beautiful i build for my baby daughter....I will move to a new town in a new state.....every thing is beautiful...until about two months...then some cloud of black evil hatred catches up to us ...and destroys our lives and breaks our hearts again.....
      I just want away from her abuse....and she hates me so much even now at forty years....she will not leave my life alone...to just be beautiful..like i make it....HOW CAN I TAKE MY TEN YEAR OLD DAUGHTER TO A NEW TOWN IN A NEW STATE..AND BE FREE FROM HER ABUSE AND HATRED...AND THE DESTROYING OF OUR LIVES WITH HER...MANIPULATING...LIING AND RUMOR SPREADING....SHE WORKS FOR A RETIRED POLICE OFFICER WHOM HAS FAMILY THAT ARE CURRENTLY POLICE.....how can I disapear off her radar...so my beautiful daughter does not have to endure her torment and abuse anymore...

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    9. I'm sorry you are going through this. I am just now seeing this reply and wish I could have responded sooner. Your story sounds very much like mine. My mother tried very hard to turn my older son against me and she came close but thankfully pulled through. You do not say if your mother has legal custody of your daughter or not. If not I would wonder why you can't just go pick up your child? At her age she is still a minor and you do have say-so on who she stays with. The longer she is with your mother the more successful your mother will be at turning her completely against you. It is important that you reach out to your daughter as much as possible and let her know she is loved. Have you ever confronted your mother? Please join the facebook group I have created for us daughters. It is more personal and I can answer questions better there. https://www.facebook.com/groups/256985481155571/

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    10. I am the only friend whose mother hates her so much she waged a custody battle to get her children and won, tried to burn her daughter's house down and has turned every family member against her. I am her only friend and cannot understand why this would happen. It seems against nature, I am not selling religion, I am promoting scientific fact. This woman has hung on by the edge her entire life because of the damage her mother does. I worry what will happen to her, she is so alone and sad. Who can explain a hatred that one has for only one child, to the point of destruction. I absolutely think the woman is evil.

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    11. I have tried to understand it for a long ago and that is why I began writing this blog. No matter how much I try to understand I can only offer clues but there is no way to truly grasp how a parent can be this way toward their child.

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  2. My Mom Hates Me With a Passion , ive heard that she is crazy from my older brothers and sisters but shes never said i love you to me a day in my life , ive always been a daddys girl , and my mom hated that , so she and my dad are getting a dervorce jus to get at me , my dad used to b the only one i talk to about every thing everyday when i came home and now that my mom has kicked him out so know he is living with my grandma i have noone to talk to , and i cry myself every night and wake up with a smile on my face just to prepare for that night were ill be crying myself to sleep , idk what to do

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    1. Dnt Cry, My mother does same as you , In that situation U need to make many good friend and get ignored whatever your mother told you . Just forget about her , make ur own ambition. Make as much as friend who can inspire you and make you busy. If you really think of that same thing then u can't study and concentrate in many things. The strongest part is making hobbies and making good friend and playing sport which can make you busy and less stressful. The thing cannot be changed and u need to accept it . I know its hard for you to accept it but u need to forget and ignore , that is the best idea

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  3. My mother hates me and obviously, my siblings does as well.
    It hurts every time I think about it that I get green with envy with people, you know, sometimes, criminals who still have their mothers and family supporting them and taking care of them. I try to hate them so much that I even pray that I will have the passion to. They literally are stealing something that my dad left me, I'm a single mom struggling to make ends meet and because of her and my siblings, it really is becoming a challenge to live day in and day out. I hope thoughts and memories of her gets erased from my brain so that I can move on.

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  4. My mother wants nothing to do with my life or my children. I am one of six (five daughters) and ever since I hit 17 she has shown an open dislike to me. There have been good areas but I have not seen these for about five years. I get upset every time I speak to my mother, not because she's horrible to me but just because it reminds me how uninterested she is in mine and my children's life's. this is in complete contrast to my four sisters who all see her at least twice a week and speak to her on the phon everyday. I speak to her once every month and see her a few times a year... Now she has started bullying my 15 year old daughter and showing an active dislike in her... My daughter is upset shall I just cut my ties now?

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    1. i think yes cause u dont want your daughter to blame you for letting her to keep doing the same type of hurt....ps: im sorry...hope all is well

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    2. Take your daughter and run. My mother is the equivalent of hitler. Literally. She watched her husband beat me bloody and left me laying in my own blood countless times. Not even knowing if I was breathing. A year and a half ago I found out she was watching my brother abuse my niece and nephew as well as abusing my niece herself. She is the most sadistic thing I've ever dealt with and I'm a psych major. I couldn't keep my son away from her but I kept my daughter away from her and my family bc no one will speak against her. She took my son bc he was the result if a rape and she thrived on that for some twisted reason. Now my son is alcoholic and a deadbeat dad. My daughter talks to her a little and has given her chances with my grand daughter. Until we found out that my grand daughter was being messed with when she was supposed to be "going to church" with that sadistic thing. These women aren't safe. They are cruel and seek revenge for their sad pathetic existence. Please keep your children away from such evil. Kids have enough on their plates today without trying to sort through cruel mind games to get even with you. I know how it feels to try to figure out what to do in this situation. One thing I can say without conviction is, your child will be seen as you are by horrible mothers and they will not hesitate to harm your child bc they think it's their rite.

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  5. wow....all this story brings me to tears... sadly im going through it now and sometimes i just want to throw in the towel... but thanx for all your stories i just cant seem to find myself writting/typing it down. idk how i land on this site but i did..and im glad i did

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  6. i just have to share this with the world. and just maybe it will release me from the torture and chaos that runs havoc in my life. my mother never loved me. but me being the child in my mind i didn't want to believe it. how can a mother hate or dislike something that was create from her?

    my mother use to physically abuse my father when i was a child everyday it was a war zone in our household. and by the time i turned 13 my father decided to leave, and i began to run away from home. i wanted to be love so bad that i had my first child when i was 16. not being old enough to care for him i entrusted him with her. while i had three more kids over the course of years. and i struggled all of my life. i left him with her thinking she can provide a better life for him than i could, but boy was i wrong. my oldest is now 20, next to him 14, my daughter is 12, and my youngest is 4.

    she has instilled so much hatered in my oldest son towards me. she calls me names in front of my children, and as how worthless i am. im nothing and will never be nothing. and for some reason i keep coming back to the house where all my pain began. i keep making mistakes to come back to this house to endure the suffering of her abuse in front of my kids. I am almost 40yrs old, divorce, and homeless.

    please can anyone share with me, why do i keep repeating this and why do i keep enduring this suffering?

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    1. You thought that her Hatred for you would be just direct to you but real hatred is a cycle, she encourages your children in probably indirect and direct ways and this continues the patterns of behaviour but because they are children and easily influenced they don't realise the dynamic and if you tried to explain to them they won't understand as she is probably good to them get help from a therapist so you can get some advise on the best way to deal with this your younger children are young enough to miss the action stay away from her with those children set boundaries for you mother don't go to her place if she or the children want to see each other have her come to your place inform her at the slightest put down she will have to leave and come back when she is better behaved don't put up with it your children will never respect you other wise with your 20 year old back off till he is older good luck x

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    2. God bless you I am not alone and either are you. I am in the same picture. Peace and love

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    3. Dear Optimal Health for Life,
      The Divine Mother loves you unconditionally as a biological or birth mother never could. Once you call upon your divine mother you will be filled with pure love and bliss and know that you are not alone and cared for. Our human mothers came to teach us some lessons. We are spiritual beings on a human journey here to remember who we are...

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  7. thank you for creating this site.... I now know Im not alone!

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    1. As a mother I could never do what my own mother did to me, the beatings the screaming the fear I had of my mother was awful, my dad never knew! the day she died I felt I was born again!

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  8. Wow! I just thought it was me. Sitting here sad wondering why my mom hates me. Found this site and now know I'm not alone. I'm not sure why my mom treats me the way she does. When I was a child she tried doing right by me. The man she was married to nearly killed me and her both for the abuse we had, but then by the time I was 14 she remarried. I finally had someone I could call my dad.

    Grew up got married and things did not work out and we divorced, but remained really good friends. I got married 3 more times and had 3 more children, which one of them was conceived in a rape. My mom was determined that I was not going to be happy with any man and would call the police on all of them. Not that they were any better, but I feel this is why I chose them from the start. No decent man would have wanted me. Not with a mom like mine.

    My brothers and sisters and I did not get along because my mother turned them against me by lying to them about me. She made horrible things up about me to get them to hate me. She has called the welfare on me to try and get my son from me because she wanted him so much she could not stand the fact I was his mother, never mind the other three. Exactly what I told the welfare. Why if I'm such a bad mom, why would she only want one of my kids and not the others. This is after I moved 45 miles away. I could not escape her.


    Now she is 72 years of age, still hating me, but because I am not married, my brothers feel I am the one that should take care of her. She still plays her games with my siblings and even though they know how she is, they still want to yell at me for the lies she tells them about me and my thirteen year old autistic and vision impaired son.

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    1. You are def not alone.I also have gone through horrible abuse from my mother and since I was a little girl she never wanted me and always treated me like im a bother to her.I have cut her from my life and want nothing to do with her.The last thing she did to me was the straw that broke the camels back.My grandpa passed away and on purpose she didnt tell me and I missed his funeral cause of her.My grandpa was my only family left and he loved me so much and she knew that.She tried to destroy me for 41 years and guess what.she failed.Im still goin strong and Im doing ok.I have an autistic son who is vision imparied also.Its very hard but you have to be strong against this evil and be a good mother to your son.Im here for you if you need someone to talk to.

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  9. /just hung up on mother. hateful. won't talk to me why do I keep trying to get her to care about me? tonight she actually said what do I have a baby? meaning me. for my health I should let go but that is hard. so how to people just step away? I want to know what I did but she won't reply acts like I am crazy. found out my sister has be spreading lies (she's a cold hearted you know) but my mother things she's just great. maybe two peas in a pod.

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    1. What happens is that you have an ideal about what a mother is and if you continue to try and please her, in the end you will have the relationship you deserve WRONG
      we grow up conditioned to depend on our mothers whether they are good or bad STRANGE but you have to break away and live your own life it isn't uncommon for other siblings to continue her work they are also conditioned by her to act out towards you Watch out they will groom your children against you too if you don't change the dynamic take care x

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    2. To mars travers -- LJBGallery is right on.

      Understand it is NOT you! Just repeat those words to yourself until you finally get it. That's what I did. Seriously. Or you will go insane. "It's not me, it's her. It's not me..."

      HUGS

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  10. So great to know i'm not alone! Thank you all you precious souls for sharing one of the most isolating experiences. I can't even begin to share some of my stories, but they are similar in that my mother basically acts like i don't exist, but treats all her nieces & nephews like they are her children. She is highly educated (she's actually a psychologist!) and has no known major crippling issues that can possibly explain her ill treatment of her only child, but it's something I have had to adjust to. I don't really have any other form of emotional support either (biological dad died and he left us when i was a baby, anyway) I'm single & don't have close knit relationships here, extended family members don't give a rats ass and those who do are close to her, as she is older and in the sub-culture i come from, you uphold the "elder" person's statement, not the kid's. I do have a lot of acquaintances, but no one especially close as I don't trust anyone, for obvious reasons. So the comfort for me is in self-help forums/sites like this, wine, learning about self-esteem & self-actualization, meditation, music, writing etc.

    One of my breakthroughs has been recognizing that whatever she does to me, in actuality, has nothing to do with me, but more to do with her. She has to figure out why she hates me and resents me and loves everyone else. That is not MY issues.

    So to you guys, i say: realize that you are a worthy individual who does not need to feel loved or cared for by others in order to feel good about yourself. Don't chase love! If that shop is closed, find another.

    You just love yourself and that should be enough!

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  11. my mother, where do I start! She has turned my dad and the rest of my family against me There are no blood relation relatives left, that acknowledge that I'm alive. She even called social services on me, and I know I'm a great mother! My goal was to be opposite of my mom, and that alone ranks me high as a mother. I love being a mom and I put in 110% to my four boys. To make a long story short, because of my mother, I have lost my oldest son. He was 11 when she started the lies and began the rumors. He is almost 13 and he hates me, I was charged with neglect!!!!! I have never neglected anything or anyone!!!!!! I live in a small town, her preacher is the mayor, she made sure to get him on her side. My reputation is ruined! I went from having a lot of friends in this town, to no one talking to me or looking at me like I'm a piece of garbage. My mom has ruined my life and committed a crime by emotionally and mentally abusing my oldest son, but I get a neglect charge! Such a wonderful world we live in. The wonderful "justice system" we have.

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    1. I completely understand. And I know how difficult it is to convince anyone--even a court--that your mother is a nut job who hates you. They tend to think that if your mother hates you, you must indeed be a horrific mess. This mindset enables a toxic, vengeful mother to get away with endless lies that will often be taken at face value. When your own children suffer, it feels like evil has descended upon you.

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  12. this was great to read that there are other daughters out there that their mother hates them. I am also successful and done extremely excellent for myself. My mother has not ever ever loved me since I met her at the age of four. she tortured me with so much abuse through out my childhood. Kicked me out since I was 13th and has been out of my life 90% of it. It hurts so much that I'm in my late 30's and try to have a mother and daughter relationship with her and she literally kicks me out her life and want nothing to do with me..She didn't speak to me for 17yrs and still wants to hold what ever negativity she has within herself. As a mother now no matter what my child will ever do to me or put me through I could never go with out him and cut him totally out of my life. How can a mother hate their own child so much, I think that just pure evil. But hurts to the core of my heart I don't have a mother who I can share my accomplishments with,talk to, hold on and have as a friend and a mother. A mother is just a word, another person can act as your mother to nurture and love you..and its a shame a woman can carry a child for 9 months and hate them so much..I am learning to let go and just except that I will never have a real mother to love me and be there for me..

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    1. Sadly it will always be that way . My mother poisons everyone's view of me every time I try to have a relationship with her she makes up lies or insinuates improprieties on my part. So it is pointless they want only to hurt and destroy your self worth!

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  13. you really should have checked your spelling and grammar. Not only in the title of this but in the body there are many grievous mistakes which make you look like an unreliable source of information.

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    1. Thank you for your comment. The purpose of this blog is to share what I have experienced in my own life. As you may notice by the many replies, this blog has been extremely helpful to other women who are going through similar situations. My intention was not to present myself as an expert or a professional writer. I am just a regular person writing a blog for which many people are extremely grateful. As you will notice, there is a great dialogue going on between those who have visited this blog, which was one of main purposes of writing. I am sorry that you failed to benefit from the great information I provided because you were too focused on the misspellings or grammar issues. I will choose to focus on the overwhelmingly positive response I have received.

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    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    3. Cynthia,
      Jesus admonished us to not pick a speck from someone else's eye, while ignoring the plank in our own. Instead, Jesus advised us to remove the plank from our own eye first. By doing so, we avoid hypocrisy, for only when our own sight is clear, can see well enough to remove the speck from someone else's eye.
      It was good advice 2000 years ago, and it's still good advice today.

      Before you criticize the author of this blog Cynthia, you should double check your own writing first. It's my understanding that sentences still begin with a capital letter, do they not? I'm sure you'll correct me if I'm mistaken. Also, please know that I've attempted to make sure that the spelling, grammar and punctuation in this reply meet or exceed your exacting standards.

      Thank you Golden Girl for creating this much needed blog. I'm looking forward to visiting here often.

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    4. Cynthia reminds me of MY mother!!! How ironic. Beautiful blog....validates ALOT!!

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    5. Oh no, here comes the spelling police, when someone is pouring out their heart to you and your reply is to point out fault with spelling and grammar, it is very telling indeed

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    6. Thank you all. CCM7391 I hadn't thought of that, but yes, it does sound like something my mother would do. I can never be good enough for her. I am very glad that I no longer let what other's think of me define me. I think all the responses and dialogue here prove my message has gotten through and I think this should make us aware that if we are not careful and conscious we can become like our mothers.

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  14. Although my life growing up is not as bad as others here, my mother has been more emotionally abusive. I have always felt that I was doing something wrong because my mother's love was always conditional. I've always considered myself a good daughter, taking care of her when she needed me, etc. I was in an accident which almost took my arm and she said Oh, that not bad, I've seen worse. And this week she went behind my back and hijacked a management position that I have been working for for 2 years when she hasn't worked there for over 2 years, and from conversations with other family members that she has said, the only reason she had me was to get away from her mother, and she treats my younger brother as if he can do no wrong, but I was the one taking care of her, and the only time she wants to spend time with her grandchildren is if I give her something in return. I've had to remove myself from her so save myself, which is hard since we live in the same town.

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  15. It does help me to know that I'm not alone. I am the 2nd oldest of 4 children and the only one my mother has no use for. She tells the rest of the family lies about me, just made-up really hurtful hateful things. I have long since given up having anything to do with her. For instance, 6 or 7 years ago, my mother drove back home, a distance of over 1500 miles, to visit her brother, and by some chance, I had been there to see him a couple of weeks earlier, and he mentioned to her that I had got a good job at a university. My mother denied this and was so upset that I had had landed job that she stayed only a few minutes and left, apparently in a rage. My uncle thought this was hilarious and told me about it later, and I laughed with him. But what kind of monster is upset that her child succeeds? What does she imagine that I ever did to her? I was a good kid - never did drugs, put myself through school, with absolutely no help from her. Two of my siblings skipped school and eventually dropped out, and the other one did drugs and slept around a lot. I live many miles away from her and have completely cut her, and my siblings, from my life, and my father has died. I don't actually know for sure if she is still alive, which seems very strange even to me.

    So I feel your pain, those of you in the same spot as me. Not everybody should have been a parent.

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  16. Since I was a little girl my mother has hated me.I was put in a home for unwanted children when i was 6 years old.She took me home after that when I turned 9 and she has always been very verbally and physically abusive to me.Always putting me down and being mean to me and just making me feel like I am a bother to her that I exist on this planet.There are so many horrible stories.But im 41 years old now and here is the recent one.Forgot to add in there that she hasnt seen me or my son in a decade.My grandpa just passed away sunday morning.I was very close to him.I was the last one to know in my family.Even a family friend who is my friend knew before me.My mother was suppose to call me and tell me of his passing and didnt on purpose so I would miss his funeral and I did cause I live in another state and had no time to book a flight.She is a miserable human being and I feel sorry for her to do something so mean.I never did anything to her to deserve that.She is a monster and I thank her because it makes me the great mom I am.

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  17. I'm so sorry for everyone who goes thru this in their life. I'm 39 years old and have a son of my own who I adore. My mother has hated me from birth also. I have have 4 brother's and one amazing loving beautiful sister who is 18 years older than me. When I was born my mother brought me home from the hospital put me in my sister's room. My sister wasn't allowed to go anywhere or do anything unless she took me including dating. I knew very young that my mother hated me. My mother never told me she loved me. When my sister got older got married and moved out it got very painful for me. If I was sick she would tell me to my face that I was ruining her life and I was purposely doing it. A specific story comes to mind I was about 8 years old and my father was involved with the fire dept in our city and once a year they had like a dance with a supper and I was sick that day so she made my brother who is 7 years older then me babysit me well I got sicker and sicker as the night went on and when my fever spiked to a 103 my brother called them a the fire hall and my mother walked thru the door I was on the couch she came up to me and said u little b#%&* u always ruin my fun and she hit me. She went in her room and never came back out to check on me. Luckily my brother called my sister she came and got me and brought me to the ER. From that day on I always wonder from that day on why my mother hated me. Its very sad and very damaging. The hatefulness hasn't stopped till this day. I lost my daddy three years ago in March and on his death bed he asked us to take care of my mother. Well everyone knows how that story goes not everyone kept there promise. I kept my promise to my daddy BC he was my world. Everyday she tells me why don't I just leave she doesn't want me here she don't like the food her coffee is cold it to hot its to cold get my drift. My mother is 82 years old and has even blamed me bc she was diagnosed with dementia. Everything that has happened in her life she has blamed me. I found this site today BC I just went thru same old thing today. Her words cut through my soul. Growing up watching my friends mother love and adore them was confusing to me. I have a great mother and her name is Sissy my wonderful sister. She is my mother not the one who birthed me. Reading all these story make me feel I'm not alone. God bless everyone! My goal everyday is to not b like my mother bc she doesn't deserve that title!

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  18. My mom always told me that she didn't like me and now I feel as if she doesn't like my son. We got into a huge argument about how she treats my nieces better then she do my son. She told me and I quote "your son's attitude irks me, He act just like his dad". Every since then I felt like my childhood pain was resurfacing. I tried to get pass it but I couldn't because I was tired of pushing stuff under the rug like we always was taught to do. My mom would get hard down mad at me like she wants to fight me at times. Once I had to tell her "mom if u every put your hands on me I will feel disrespected and I will call the cop and press charges". She got very upset and so did my siblings but I had to explain to them that I am a grown ass women and I would be wrong as hell in everyone's eyes if I swing back and she know that, which mean I consider that completely taken advantage of your position. My mother is so wishy washy. One minute I hear her brag to others how she is so proud of me for being married for so long to my husband and that my child was conceived into wed-lock and the next she talking about how back in her day she would have a man do this and that for her. The other day we got into a huge fight cuz she said that she heard that I was talking about her and I was. I was only talking about how she treats all the other grandkids better then my son (he's 6 yrs old). Instead of owning up to it she told me that she would if she cared. So naturally I went inn (got upset). I said " well I stop caring the day you told me how u felt about my son. The reason I said that because I am tired of her telling me that she don't care about how I feel or about me.I am tired of getting verbally and emotionally abused. At the end of our conversation she said "have a nice life". So basically she would rather cut me outta her life then to deal with what she did wrong and work thru it. My entire family have been brought up to push things under the rug and I will not be doing that anymore. I want to teach my son that his feelings are heard and respected and I will deal with any and every problem we will ever have. I don't want her to be no Suzie Homemaker but I did want a more healthy relationship with her. Since that will never happen i guess I will embrace what god have gave me. I appreciate this web-site

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  19. I share your pain and my heart goes out to all who have shared their story. I will share my story with you. I am 51 years old and now have two daughters, each of whom have two sons. My mother was 14 years old when I was conceived, my father 19. At birth my mother's mother (grandma) decided that she was to young to be a grandma and insisted that my mother put me away for adoption. My mother never saw my face at birth and a catholic adoption agency immediately took me away. My grandma refused to allow my mother to live in her home with a child. With much pressure from my father and other family members to remove me from the adoption center, my mother decided at the last minute, right before a white family was about to adopt me, that she would not sign the papers. As you can tell, I am a black female. Anyway, mom and dad took me and went to live with an aunt and they were married shortly after. This lasted for a while but as the years went by my mother began to drink heavily. Because of their work schedules, I was eventually sent to live with my great grandmother and her sister, both of which were already aged. As I was growing up, my father would visit me at my great grandmother's often but my mother rarely came. When she did come, she was usually drunk and would cause some sort of conflict which would result in leaving in a rampage. When I was 16, I developed a yeast infection. My mother took me to a doctor who later contacted me and insisted that I needed to have a D&C. I was leary of this diagnosis and notified my father who instructed me to visit another doctor for a second opinion. When I did, the doctor told me it was nothing more than a yeast infection. I was convinced at this time that my mother had a relationship with this crooked doctor and the intention was to sterilize me. I am so glad for a second opinion. Moving on......I graduated high school, joined the military, got married, had two daughters, earned a degree, bought a car, bought a house, and raised my daughters. Here comes the irony.....My youngest daughter became pregnant at the age of, guess what? 14, that right!! By this time, I am divorced from their father and he want's her to adopt the child. I gave her an option in that whatever she decided, I would support her decision. I know this seems strange but I could not live with the idea of suggesting abortion or adoption and she might have resented me for the rest of her life. The law is on her side even though she is a minor, it's her choice. She gave birth at 15 and then became pregnant again at 17 and gave birth at 18. Well, as you can guess, because she was a minor, the burden of the responsibility for their care rested on me. I took care of her sons and when she turned 19, she left my home. Leaving me with her son's to care for exclusively. I have raised her boys and they are now 10 and 13. During this time, she had very little contact with them and provide no support to me for them. Long story short, she now hates me and has resently been in communication with my mother who has sided with her and they both are hating me. For what, I could not tell you. But....I will say that it is extremely hurtful to me and I feel very lonely because none of my family has supported me and it has been hard raising these boys. I could not give them up. My love for the boys has caused me great suffering and now I am so tired. Here is the final straw....a couple weeks ago, the very daughter calls me to tell me that my mother has lung cancer. I don't even know how to feel or if I even have any feeling left. I pray everyday that the Lord will deliver me from this situation and send me someone who will finally love me. I have been giving all my love to everyone and getting none in return. Everyone keeps telling me I will be blessed. I keep asking GOD if he wouldn't mind putting that blessing on the express bus!! Please hang in there everyone, somehow I believe we will all be alright.

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  20. I'm saddened to read all the stories here, but it's also comforting to know I am not alone. My mother hates me too,always has. I suppose there are a few reasons why. I know she resents having children by a man who didn't want to be a husband much less a father. After she and my father split, she was stuck with two children she, nor any of her boyfriends wanted. She was abusive to both my brothers and I but as the years have went on, she now has a great relationship with my brothers. None of them speak to me. Sometimes I feel like I was dropped out of the sky,like an alien no one wanted. I overcame her hate and abuse and now have a great life. I feel that she is jealous that I an happy. I have forgiven her and have tried as an adult to overlook her ways and have a relationship with her, but her hate and negativity are too much for me. Just being in her presence makes me feel ill. Hearing her voice makes me agitated. It's an awful feeling,but I have realized, its not my fault. I don't blame myself anymore. She is the one with the problem and if she can treat her child this way and live with herself then I can live without her. I have found peace from my faith in God and I pray peace for each of you as well.

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  22. As a Daughter of a ''Mother'' I have a hard time until this day to win her approval of love. She always loves the men she's with more than her kids. I know this and my other siblings know this too. We came from a Father who was an alcoholic/abusive she was married for 10 years or more to. She has been married 3 times. She blamed us for her divorces. She never visits she never realizes she has Grand kids. They will take trips and visit her Husband's family. She gets annoyed or bothered when you want to talk. She lives far away.We have a half Sister whom she seems to be treating differently. As a 16 year old she asked me and even allowed me to quit school and live with a boyfriend (wonderful parenting skills). She never taught me a damn thing besides how to get what you want from a man. I have horrible cleaning skills. I am insecure, I am always thinking she'll love me even though she'll say it sometimes and you know what, it sounds so fucking fake! I am done talking to her. I also do not have many friends esp. female. I think all this stems from her and, I won't let it rule/ruin my life anymore! Just say no. I am tired of the money can buy love, it can't. Keep your money, I want a Mom and I am 30 years old and tired of trying.

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  23. I know the feeling of being hated by a "mother" a bit too well...since early childhood my mother was always disgusted by me up until now,what I did wrong I would never know. She likes all my other siblings but for some reason hates me, about 5 years ago she had a divorce from my father and got into a relationship with someone else,being the person I am I don't really bother to speak to anyone at home so it's basically just out of school into my room not burdening anyone...she would start at me by calling me names,she would say that I'm ugly,dumb,stupid, mad and lots of things....I do well at school...she never goes to meetings and deliberately sabotage my homework making me look bad...she chucks sharp objects at me and throws me with boiling water and I can remember how she forced me to lie in 3rd grade to the teachers when I she gave me a black eye by telling them I accidentally fell...she is always picking a fight with me and tells me how useless I am and I will never succeed in life,she says that I'm as good as getting married and being controlled by my husband because I'm nothing worth,she even cut my hair in my sleep and curses me saying that I have no life and I'm a social outcast and I'm never happy,she says I'm a snake and tells her boyfriend to slap me...apparently I'm mean spirited though this is not true...I'm very kind and loving and all I can say is,is that she humiliates me in every possible way...my heart goes out to all of y'all.

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  24. Hi all, how are u? Please just hang on there, I feel all of u . I believe that every race has this kind of problem. Im Asian n Muslim. I have this problem too. At the age of 31, I have made decision not to try any harder to win my mother's heart. I probably have another 30 years more to live, if I'm lucky enough. So i just put all of these behind, n i look forward for a happier life. Maybe in heaven, God will let us know the reason why we had this mother. We can't choose family, but just to accept fate. Be positive n I wish u all good life ahead.

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  25. All I want is this hateful evil woman whom has abused me my whole life...to get out of my life.....and leave us alone......but she always locates us...and causes ruin and destruction to our lives....I dont know how she does it...Im forty years old....she is not invited in our lives.....but she wont quit....as hard as i try i can not get my daughter away from her...somewhere safe from her....start a new life free from her abuse.....How can I hide from her...where she can not find me? I have moved 5 times..not told anyone...and yet....this black evil cloud..wont quit following us

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  26. All I want is this hateful evil woman whom has abused me my whole life...to get out of my life.....and leave us alone......but she always locates us...and causes ruin and destruction to our lives....I dont know how she does it...Im forty years old....she is not invited in our lives.....but she wont quit....as hard as i try i can not get my daughter away from her...somewhere safe from her....start a new life free from her abuse.....How can I hide from her...where she can not find me? I have moved 5 times..not told anyone...and yet....this black evil cloud..wont quit following us

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  27. My Mother has hated me all of my life. She beat and emotional abused me as well as turned my siblings against me too. I became the family doormat. My mother lived her life behind a locked door doing drugs and manipulating many men. At 12 her husband started touching me inappropriately and I knew if I spoke up she would dispose of me like garbage. At 14 the abuse was at its height as I tried to commit suicide the year before and my mother had to 500 dollars for the ambulance. By 14 I spent my days trying to fit in at school and trying to avoid my mothers abuse and my step fathers unwanted advances. When I finally told my mother what he was in fact doing she kicked me out and started a campaign to destroy me to anyone who cares about me even to this day! the best way to deal with a mother like this is not to! Disappear change your phone number and pretend she is dead!

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  28. Thank you for such a group, let always thought it's not true, and that I was oly imagining it, but yes..my mother emotionally tortured me to leave college, she tortured me as soon as I came back, always trying to make me unsuccessful, always lying and trying to create a fight between me and my father, how do we solve this?

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  29. Thank you for such a group, let always thought it's not true, and that I was oly imagining it, but yes..my mother emotionally tortured me to leave college, she tortured me as soon as I came back, always trying to make me unsuccessful, always lying and trying to create a fight between me and my father, how do we solve this?

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  30. We cannot solve another person's emotional illness. We can only learn to cope with how a mother's rejection affects our lives. Thoughtless mother's that ostracize daughters or sons also ostracize the grandchildren. Grandchildren also have to learn how to cope with the rejection. For me personally, I recognize that my mother is emotionally disturbed. To be connected to her puts me at risk of emotional abuse. Reconnecting with mom would only mean more pain. I feel comfortable letting-go. The best thing I can do is help my children cope with a disturbed grandma. I feel when people hurt others it is a reflection of their own internal torture. My greatest hope for my mother and the affect she has had on me and my children is the healing power of the Atonement. I know there will be healing in Heaven. God has the power to heal. On Earth, we have limitations. We are instructed to forgive. Forgiveness does not mean reconnecting with the abusers. Unfortunately, all humans want to be loved and nurtured by a loving mother so those who are rejected will always feel the pang of the rejection. Those who are rejected by their mothers need to make sure they do not perpetuate that pattern of abuse toward their children. As a neglected child of a mother, I have come to accept the rejection as a byproduct of a disturbed woman. The rejection does not affect my happiness and peace. I love myself and I'm loved. I am grateful for that!

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  31. on things unsaid...
    Mother's day came and went. There were things I wish I could have said, but I did not, because circumstances prevented me from saying them. I wanted to tell my mother that even though our relationship is not good and she does not like me, the fingers of my two hands are not enough to count the good/great things that she had done in my life. I know that she cared (cares?), but she allows herself to get sidetracked by her suspicious nature. I love her, but it is difficult to say those words now, nor to show them. There is this ache that I hope that it will not be too late for all of us. I have forgiven, but, is forgiveness enough for us to heal? There are joys that we are missing because of links that have been broken. I have not seen some of my siblings nor talked to them in a while because, like it or not, this thing that is happening between my mother and I, has caused a ripple effect in the family. May the power of Jesus bring healing, peace, and joy in our hearts.

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  33. Mom gave me to my dad at 8 months. Im the youngest of two half sisters, sisters that my mom loved more than me which is why she just gave me up to my dad as a baby. I never got a card, or a gift or a call. I grew up to hate women since I lived with no woman influence. I can't stand women, and all my friends are guys. I still look at my sister's Facebook and see that my mom comments on how she loves her grandkids and plans days with them... But even knowing that she had two grandkids on my side, because my sister's would comment on the pics of them (Which she can see from their activity) she had never once called or anything. And, even starting to tear up and cry while about to write this awful sentence, because of my mom, I have never bonded with my fairer the way I wanted to. She was my first, and I had terrible terrible terrible PPD. I couldn't be near her for the first month of her life because I was scared of her because my ppd. I never got that bond. She is 6 years old now and I really try my hardest, I take her everywhere and buy her EVERYTHING and tell her I love her every day. But that bond isn't fulfilled. And now that she's developed a crazy stage (she's tried to kill the cat) I don't even think I can have her in my house anymore because I'm scared she might hurt the baby. It's all my fault, the way I wad ignited all my life, ruined the bond with my fairer and turned her into a psycho who may turn into a murderer later in life. I feel awful

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  34. I don't know if writing this will make me feel better or worse either way I'm doing it. I am 22 years old with a beautiful 3 yeard old baby boy. I was a party girl before I became pregnant but instantly everything changed after I became a mother. It's scary you know, when you become a mother because it's so many things no one can prepare you for. In my mind I just knew if I did everything opposite from my mother I would succeed. My mom fits all of these categories she's actually cussing me out as I write this. I've gotten migraines ever since I was 9 and tonight is one of the bad ones. She likes to cut the tv up loud and whistle around the house those things trigger my migraines I hate that I'm crying right now. I hate that I am sort of use to this it's sad right? She talks down to me about my past in front of my son. Sometimes I ppicture me doing horrible things to her. I have dreams about it. The weird thing about all of this is sometimes she is okay she'll say I love you but I don't think she knows how to love. She hasn't had a man since I was 8 sometimes I think it's because she needs some dick. She judges my female friends when they come around but when it's a guy around she pawns me off to them but calls me a whore or bitch slut etc. when she gets mad. She praises the lord in church may even hold my hand. I think she's mentally sick and I just want some one to help her. I moved out me and my son. I still worry about her even visited a few times nothing changed, she hasn't changed so the last time was the last time. I am done with that horrible woman I am suppose to call My mother.

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