Monday, January 3, 2011

What Type of Mother Hates Her Child?

If you have had a difficult relationship with your mother you have probably asked yourself on many occasions what you are doing wrong to make your mother hate you.  If you were anything like me, every time your mother did something mean to you, the first place you looked was in the mirror.  Much like victims of domestic abuse, daughters of hateful mothers often think that if they can just modify their behavior it will make the relationship in question better.  It is wholly unbelievable, both to the daughter and to most of the world, that a mother could despise a daughter so much that she would treat her terribly.  Thus, when a relationship between a mother and daughter goes awry, it is always the natural inclination to assume that the daughter has done something to deserve it. 

Daughters are not devoid of responsibility when a relationship with their mother goes astray, and in future posts we will investigate exactly what it is a daughter does (or doesn't do) to enable this type of relationship.  For now, let us stay focused on the mother.  What type of mother, exactly, despises her daughter.  The answer is a complex one, one that is hard to grasp by most.  Obviously, not all mothers who dislike their daughters can be lumped into one category.  Their are many reasons and many underlying issues involved when a mother makes a choice to have a dysfunctional relationship with her daughter.  Regardless of what the causes are, the results are usually the same.

The Unfulfilled Mother

The unfulfilled mother is usually the mother whose dreams never came to fruition, usually because she got married and had children.  Normally, this mother is a stay-at-home mother or one who is unhappily employed.  Although this mother may have been loving in the beginning, as time goes by and she fully realizes how her aspirations have been grounded, her love turns to resentment toward the child or children who stood in the way of her dreams.

The Competitive Mother
This one is self explanatory.  This mother sees her daughter as competition.  Usually, the daughter is seen as competition for the attention of the father or other male figure, but she might also be seen as competition for material resources, or the attention of others besides the father.  This mother usually tries to downplay the accomplishments of the daughter and might belittle her child in front of others in an attempt to break the child's self esteem and make the mother look better. 

The Controlling Mother

The name says it all.  This mother feels out of control in other areas of her life and so gets a sense of control by controlling others.  Feeling out of control in her own life may stem from issues in her own childhood, but in any event the only way she feels in control is if people do things her way.  Controlling people can stem to many areas of her life and it would not be unusual if she tries to control her husband, and friends.  Feeling out of control has little to do with her job and more with other situations that have affected her.

Jealous/Vengeful Mother

The jealous mother may also be the unfulfilled mother, but not necessarily so.  If the father shows his beautiful new baby girl loads of attention and ignores her mother, it is easy to see why the mother would become jealous of the daughter.  The daughter has beauty and youth and the ability to capture the attention of daddy and just about every one else.  Thus, her mother becomes jealous because the daughter does what she cannot do.

We must remember that these mothers can display traits that are interchangeable.  We also have to remember that why a mother dislikes her daughter is so complex that simply dumping her into one of four categories will never do the situation justice.  In any event, these meager categories are created to give a general overview to why mothers behave the way they do.

33 comments:

  1. Wow, I never knew there was a support site for this. I am hated by my mother. She admitted it and evicted me from her life. I never did drugs, I never stepped out of line, because even as a child, I knew her affection for me was conditional or non existent. She hated me from the day I was born and should have given me up. This no longer rules my life, but somewhere its always in the back of my mind. No matter how perfect I tried to be, she rejected me. Now, even as an adult, I am successful, I worked really hard to obtain the "ideal" life she said I'd never have and it turned on me. I really guess I believed that if I could prove that I was loveable by marrying the perfect husband of 14 years and going strong; that if I was smart enough, i worked my way through college and work as an RN, bought a pretty house, cars, the list goes on and on, that I would win my mothers love. Nope, never happened. Its awful and it leaves a mark on a person. Its a source of deep pain. She denied me a family. When I was 17 she remarried another man and I was a little too pretty, so she kicked me out. I had to figure life out. I made good choices and I have only one regret..that I was not born to family who would have loved me.

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    1. I feel your pain motherlessmoma. I found out that by my sister that my mother tried to abort me at 7 months because she did not want her mother to know that she was fooling around with her boyfriend behind her back and ended up being pregnant by me. Well, her mother found out and of course she disowned my mother and me which I had nothing to do with. My mother beat me with objects I do not think a prisoner would get hit with. She scolded me with boiling water, caused me to have 3rd degree burns on the back of my legs. She humiliated me in public and in front of my other siblings by calling me useless, dumb, stupid. She even went as far as to curse my friends out who came to see me. I have a very caring and giving nature and tried to please my mother in any and everyway I knew how. When my oldest brother molested me at 8 years old, I tried to tell her but she would not listen so I burned his bed. When I told the fireman what my brother did, I was looking for a hug or something from my mother, she looked at me with distain and turned her head. When I was a teen, a friend of mine mother saw the scars on my legs so I told her how I was treated at home, the mother confronted my mother. Of course my mother always played the victim when confronted on how she treats me. When my friend mother left, I got a beating I will never forget, I got stomped, pushed, slapped punched, you name it. She told me to my face "I can't Stand you! I never understood why. Now that I am older, it is still that same. I am married, owned two homes, the only person out of 8 siblings with a college degree which she and none of my siblings attened the ceremony. I forgave her because I figured it was because of her past. When she turned 70, I was the only person who took care of her, stood in the social services line to get her medicaid and other services, bought her clothes and furniture for her assisted living apt, tvs, medicine, you name it. She even ask me to handle her finances for her which I did to make sure her bills were paid on time. One day while handling her finances I ran across an insurance policy where she was paying the premium which I figured was way to much for a senior citizen to be paying. I called the company and they told me that my oldest sister was the sole beneficiary of a $250,000 policy. I asked my mother about and she stated that she did not know that was what she signed, she thought that it was for a little money to bury her so the family would not struggle with money.

      The most hurtful thing my mother did to me was metro access called me and told me that my mother did not come to the door for her pick up to go to senior day care, which I arranged, I called and she stated that she was sick. I called 911, whe went to the hospital and low and behold, my oldest sister was there first who has not seen my mother for over 5 years and she lives 10 minutes from her! She was, maybe hoping my mother would hurry up and die so she can collect on the insurance policy. I questioned my sister about it and she got irrate with me so I left. The following day, I receive a court order my sister wrote terrible lies about me to appear in court. She had my mother with her, walker and all in the snow and my mother took her side. My mother even went as far as to tell the judge that I have done nothing for her. I was ordered to not see my mother for a whole year. After that day, I promised myself I want nothing to do with my mother or sister. My sister is pure evil just like her mother. To me, this was a biblical moment because I felt persecuted for helping my own mother. Never again. I thank God I have a loving husband who does not look at my physical appearance but my true self.

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    2. You know, compared to your mom, mine is an angel.
      We may be struggling with internal questions brought about by this kind of treatment from the person who we thought will never let us down. You see, Mothers don't own us. They are just our caretakers and obviously, ours did a bad job at it. I always ask myself "what is wrong with me?". But you, you manage to do a lot of stuff for your mom in spite of every thing. You're sort of heroic that way and I because of that, you will be greatly rewarded.

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    3. Motherlessmomma: I feel exactly the way u did. I am fresh in the situation but i am inspired by u now so u gave me strength to move upwards thanks.

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  2. My Mom Hates Me With a Passion , ive heard that she is crazy from my older brothers and sisters but shes never said i love you to me a day in my life , ive always been a daddys girl , and my mom hated that , so she and my dad are getting a dervorce jus to get at me , my dad used to b the only one i talk to about every thing everyday when i came home and now that my mom has kicked him out so know he is living with my grandma i have noone to talk to , and i cry myself every night and wake up with a smile on my face just to prepare for that night were ill be crying myself to sleep , idk what to do

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  3. My mother hates me and obviously, my siblings does as well.
    It hurts every time I think about it that I get green with envy with people, you know, sometimes, criminals who still have their mothers and family supporting them and taking care of them. I try to hate them so much that I even pray that I will have the passion to. They literally are stealing something that my dad left me, I'm a single mom struggling to make ends meet and because of her and my siblings, it really is becoming a challenge to live day in and day out. I hope thoughts and memories of her gets erased from my brain so that I can move on.

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  4. My mother wants nothing to do with my life or my children. I am one of six (five daughters) and ever since I hit 17 she has shown an open dislike to me. There have been good areas but I have not seen these for about five years. I get upset every time I speak to my mother, not because she's horrible to me but just because it reminds me how uninterested she is in mine and my children's life's. this is in complete contrast to my four sisters who all see her at least twice a week and speak to her on the phon everyday. I speak to her once every month and see her a few times a year... Now she has started bullying my 15 year old daughter and showing an active dislike in her... My daughter is upset shall I just cut my ties now?

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    1. i think yes cause u dont want your daughter to blame you for letting her to keep doing the same type of hurt....ps: im sorry...hope all is well

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  5. wow....all this story brings me to tears... sadly im going through it now and sometimes i just want to throw in the towel... but thanx for all your stories i just cant seem to find myself writting/typing it down. idk how i land on this site but i did..and im glad i did

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  6. i just have to share this with the world. and just maybe it will release me from the torture and chaos that runs havoc in my life. my mother never loved me. but me being the child in my mind i didn't want to believe it. how can a mother hate or dislike something that was create from her?

    my mother use to physically abuse my father when i was a child everyday it was a war zone in our household. and by the time i turned 13 my father decided to leave, and i began to run away from home. i wanted to be love so bad that i had my first child when i was 16. not being old enough to care for him i entrusted him with her. while i had three more kids over the course of years. and i struggled all of my life. i left him with her thinking she can provide a better life for him than i could, but boy was i wrong. my oldest is now 20, next to him 14, my daughter is 12, and my youngest is 4.

    she has instilled so much hatered in my oldest son towards me. she calls me names in front of my children, and as how worthless i am. im nothing and will never be nothing. and for some reason i keep coming back to the house where all my pain began. i keep making mistakes to come back to this house to endure the suffering of her abuse in front of my kids. I am almost 40yrs old, divorce, and homeless.

    please can anyone share with me, why do i keep repeating this and why do i keep enduring this suffering?

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    1. You thought that her Hatred for you would be just direct to you but real hatred is a cycle, she encourages your children in probably indirect and direct ways and this continues the patterns of behaviour but because they are children and easily influenced they don't realise the dynamic and if you tried to explain to them they won't understand as she is probably good to them get help from a therapist so you can get some advise on the best way to deal with this your younger children are young enough to miss the action stay away from her with those children set boundaries for you mother don't go to her place if she or the children want to see each other have her come to your place inform her at the slightest put down she will have to leave and come back when she is better behaved don't put up with it your children will never respect you other wise with your 20 year old back off till he is older good luck x

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    2. God bless you I am not alone and either are you. I am in the same picture. Peace and love

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  7. thank you for creating this site.... I now know Im not alone!

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  8. Wow! I just thought it was me. Sitting here sad wondering why my mom hates me. Found this site and now know I'm not alone. I'm not sure why my mom treats me the way she does. When I was a child she tried doing right by me. The man she was married to nearly killed me and her both for the abuse we had, but then by the time I was 14 she remarried. I finally had someone I could call my dad.

    Grew up got married and things did not work out and we divorced, but remained really good friends. I got married 3 more times and had 3 more children, which one of them was conceived in a rape. My mom was determined that I was not going to be happy with any man and would call the police on all of them. Not that they were any better, but I feel this is why I chose them from the start. No decent man would have wanted me. Not with a mom like mine.

    My brothers and sisters and I did not get along because my mother turned them against me by lying to them about me. She made horrible things up about me to get them to hate me. She has called the welfare on me to try and get my son from me because she wanted him so much she could not stand the fact I was his mother, never mind the other three. Exactly what I told the welfare. Why if I'm such a bad mom, why would she only want one of my kids and not the others. This is after I moved 45 miles away. I could not escape her.


    Now she is 72 years of age, still hating me, but because I am not married, my brothers feel I am the one that should take care of her. She still plays her games with my siblings and even though they know how she is, they still want to yell at me for the lies she tells them about me and my thirteen year old autistic and vision impaired son.

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    1. You are def not alone.I also have gone through horrible abuse from my mother and since I was a little girl she never wanted me and always treated me like im a bother to her.I have cut her from my life and want nothing to do with her.The last thing she did to me was the straw that broke the camels back.My grandpa passed away and on purpose she didnt tell me and I missed his funeral cause of her.My grandpa was my only family left and he loved me so much and she knew that.She tried to destroy me for 41 years and guess what.she failed.Im still goin strong and Im doing ok.I have an autistic son who is vision imparied also.Its very hard but you have to be strong against this evil and be a good mother to your son.Im here for you if you need someone to talk to.

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  9. /just hung up on mother. hateful. won't talk to me why do I keep trying to get her to care about me? tonight she actually said what do I have a baby? meaning me. for my health I should let go but that is hard. so how to people just step away? I want to know what I did but she won't reply acts like I am crazy. found out my sister has be spreading lies (she's a cold hearted you know) but my mother things she's just great. maybe two peas in a pod.

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    1. What happens is that you have an ideal about what a mother is and if you continue to try and please her, in the end you will have the relationship you deserve WRONG
      we grow up conditioned to depend on our mothers whether they are good or bad STRANGE but you have to break away and live your own life it isn't uncommon for other siblings to continue her work they are also conditioned by her to act out towards you Watch out they will groom your children against you too if you don't change the dynamic take care x

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    2. To mars travers -- LJBGallery is right on.

      Understand it is NOT you! Just repeat those words to yourself until you finally get it. That's what I did. Seriously. Or you will go insane. "It's not me, it's her. It's not me..."

      HUGS

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  10. So great to know i'm not alone! Thank you all you precious souls for sharing one of the most isolating experiences. I can't even begin to share some of my stories, but they are similar in that my mother basically acts like i don't exist, but treats all her nieces & nephews like they are her children. She is highly educated (she's actually a psychologist!) and has no known major crippling issues that can possibly explain her ill treatment of her only child, but it's something I have had to adjust to. I don't really have any other form of emotional support either (biological dad died and he left us when i was a baby, anyway) I'm single & don't have close knit relationships here, extended family members don't give a rats ass and those who do are close to her, as she is older and in the sub-culture i come from, you uphold the "elder" person's statement, not the kid's. I do have a lot of acquaintances, but no one especially close as I don't trust anyone, for obvious reasons. So the comfort for me is in self-help forums/sites like this, wine, learning about self-esteem & self-actualization, meditation, music, writing etc.

    One of my breakthroughs has been recognizing that whatever she does to me, in actuality, has nothing to do with me, but more to do with her. She has to figure out why she hates me and resents me and loves everyone else. That is not MY issues.

    So to you guys, i say: realize that you are a worthy individual who does not need to feel loved or cared for by others in order to feel good about yourself. Don't chase love! If that shop is closed, find another.

    You just love yourself and that should be enough!

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  11. my mother, where do I start! She has turned my dad and the rest of my family against me There are no blood relation relatives left, that acknowledge that I'm alive. She even called social services on me, and I know I'm a great mother! My goal was to be opposite of my mom, and that alone ranks me high as a mother. I love being a mom and I put in 110% to my four boys. To make a long story short, because of my mother, I have lost my oldest son. He was 11 when she started the lies and began the rumors. He is almost 13 and he hates me, I was charged with neglect!!!!! I have never neglected anything or anyone!!!!!! I live in a small town, her preacher is the mayor, she made sure to get him on her side. My reputation is ruined! I went from having a lot of friends in this town, to no one talking to me or looking at me like I'm a piece of garbage. My mom has ruined my life and committed a crime by emotionally and mentally abusing my oldest son, but I get a neglect charge! Such a wonderful world we live in. The wonderful "justice system" we have.

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    1. I completely understand. And I know how difficult it is to convince anyone--even a court--that your mother is a nut job who hates you. They tend to think that if your mother hates you, you must indeed be a horrific mess. This mindset enables a toxic, vengeful mother to get away with endless lies that will often be taken at face value. When your own children suffer, it feels like evil has descended upon you.

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  12. this was great to read that there are other daughters out there that their mother hates them. I am also successful and done extremely excellent for myself. My mother has not ever ever loved me since I met her at the age of four. she tortured me with so much abuse through out my childhood. Kicked me out since I was 13th and has been out of my life 90% of it. It hurts so much that I'm in my late 30's and try to have a mother and daughter relationship with her and she literally kicks me out her life and want nothing to do with me..She didn't speak to me for 17yrs and still wants to hold what ever negativity she has within herself. As a mother now no matter what my child will ever do to me or put me through I could never go with out him and cut him totally out of my life. How can a mother hate their own child so much, I think that just pure evil. But hurts to the core of my heart I don't have a mother who I can share my accomplishments with,talk to, hold on and have as a friend and a mother. A mother is just a word, another person can act as your mother to nurture and love you..and its a shame a woman can carry a child for 9 months and hate them so much..I am learning to let go and just except that I will never have a real mother to love me and be there for me..

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  13. you really should have checked your spelling and grammar. Not only in the title of this but in the body there are many grievous mistakes which make you look like an unreliable source of information.

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    1. Thank you for your comment. The purpose of this blog is to share what I have experienced in my own life. As you may notice by the many replies, this blog has been extremely helpful to other women who are going through similar situations. My intention was not to present myself as an expert or a professional writer. I am just a regular person writing a blog for which many people are extremely grateful. As you will notice, there is a great dialogue going on between those who have visited this blog, which was one of main purposes of writing. I am sorry that you failed to benefit from the great information I provided because you were too focused on the misspellings or grammar issues. I will choose to focus on the overwhelmingly positive response I have received.

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    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    3. Cynthia,
      Jesus admonished us to not pick a speck from someone else's eye, while ignoring the plank in our own. Instead, Jesus advised us to remove the plank from our own eye first. By doing so, we avoid hypocrisy, for only when our own sight is clear, can see well enough to remove the speck from someone else's eye.
      It was good advice 2000 years ago, and it's still good advice today.

      Before you criticize the author of this blog Cynthia, you should double check your own writing first. It's my understanding that sentences still begin with a capital letter, do they not? I'm sure you'll correct me if I'm mistaken. Also, please know that I've attempted to make sure that the spelling, grammar and punctuation in this reply meet or exceed your exacting standards.

      Thank you Golden Girl for creating this much needed blog. I'm looking forward to visiting here often.

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    4. Cynthia reminds me of MY mother!!! How ironic. Beautiful blog....validates ALOT!!

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  14. Although my life growing up is not as bad as others here, my mother has been more emotionally abusive. I have always felt that I was doing something wrong because my mother's love was always conditional. I've always considered myself a good daughter, taking care of her when she needed me, etc. I was in an accident which almost took my arm and she said Oh, that not bad, I've seen worse. And this week she went behind my back and hijacked a management position that I have been working for for 2 years when she hasn't worked there for over 2 years, and from conversations with other family members that she has said, the only reason she had me was to get away from her mother, and she treats my younger brother as if he can do no wrong, but I was the one taking care of her, and the only time she wants to spend time with her grandchildren is if I give her something in return. I've had to remove myself from her so save myself, which is hard since we live in the same town.

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  15. It does help me to know that I'm not alone. I am the 2nd oldest of 4 children and the only one my mother has no use for. She tells the rest of the family lies about me, just made-up really hurtful hateful things. I have long since given up having anything to do with her. For instance, 6 or 7 years ago, my mother drove back home, a distance of over 1500 miles, to visit her brother, and by some chance, I had been there to see him a couple of weeks earlier, and he mentioned to her that I had got a good job at a university. My mother denied this and was so upset that I had had landed job that she stayed only a few minutes and left, apparently in a rage. My uncle thought this was hilarious and told me about it later, and I laughed with him. But what kind of monster is upset that her child succeeds? What does she imagine that I ever did to her? I was a good kid - never did drugs, put myself through school, with absolutely no help from her. Two of my siblings skipped school and eventually dropped out, and the other one did drugs and slept around a lot. I live many miles away from her and have completely cut her, and my siblings, from my life, and my father has died. I don't actually know for sure if she is still alive, which seems very strange even to me.

    So I feel your pain, those of you in the same spot as me. Not everybody should have been a parent.

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  16. Since I was a little girl my mother has hated me.I was put in a home for unwanted children when i was 6 years old.She took me home after that when I turned 9 and she has always been very verbally and physically abusive to me.Always putting me down and being mean to me and just making me feel like I am a bother to her that I exist on this planet.There are so many horrible stories.But im 41 years old now and here is the recent one.Forgot to add in there that she hasnt seen me or my son in a decade.My grandpa just passed away sunday morning.I was very close to him.I was the last one to know in my family.Even a family friend who is my friend knew before me.My mother was suppose to call me and tell me of his passing and didnt on purpose so I would miss his funeral and I did cause I live in another state and had no time to book a flight.She is a miserable human being and I feel sorry for her to do something so mean.I never did anything to her to deserve that.She is a monster and I thank her because it makes me the great mom I am.

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  17. I'm so sorry for everyone who goes thru this in their life. I'm 39 years old and have a son of my own who I adore. My mother has hated me from birth also. I have have 4 brother's and one amazing loving beautiful sister who is 18 years older than me. When I was born my mother brought me home from the hospital put me in my sister's room. My sister wasn't allowed to go anywhere or do anything unless she took me including dating. I knew very young that my mother hated me. My mother never told me she loved me. When my sister got older got married and moved out it got very painful for me. If I was sick she would tell me to my face that I was ruining her life and I was purposely doing it. A specific story comes to mind I was about 8 years old and my father was involved with the fire dept in our city and once a year they had like a dance with a supper and I was sick that day so she made my brother who is 7 years older then me babysit me well I got sicker and sicker as the night went on and when my fever spiked to a 103 my brother called them a the fire hall and my mother walked thru the door I was on the couch she came up to me and said u little b#%&* u always ruin my fun and she hit me. She went in her room and never came back out to check on me. Luckily my brother called my sister she came and got me and brought me to the ER. From that day on I always wonder from that day on why my mother hated me. Its very sad and very damaging. The hatefulness hasn't stopped till this day. I lost my daddy three years ago in March and on his death bed he asked us to take care of my mother. Well everyone knows how that story goes not everyone kept there promise. I kept my promise to my daddy BC he was my world. Everyday she tells me why don't I just leave she doesn't want me here she don't like the food her coffee is cold it to hot its to cold get my drift. My mother is 82 years old and has even blamed me bc she was diagnosed with dementia. Everything that has happened in her life she has blamed me. I found this site today BC I just went thru same old thing today. Her words cut through my soul. Growing up watching my friends mother love and adore them was confusing to me. I have a great mother and her name is Sissy my wonderful sister. She is my mother not the one who birthed me. Reading all these story make me feel I'm not alone. God bless everyone! My goal everyday is to not b like my mother bc she doesn't deserve that title!

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  18. My mom always told me that she didn't like me and now I feel as if she doesn't like my son. We got into a huge argument about how she treats my nieces better then she do my son. She told me and I quote "your son's attitude irks me, He act just like his dad". Every since then I felt like my childhood pain was resurfacing. I tried to get pass it but I couldn't because I was tired of pushing stuff under the rug like we always was taught to do. My mom would get hard down mad at me like she wants to fight me at times. Once I had to tell her "mom if u every put your hands on me I will feel disrespected and I will call the cop and press charges". She got very upset and so did my siblings but I had to explain to them that I am a grown ass women and I would be wrong as hell in everyone's eyes if I swing back and she know that, which mean I consider that completely taken advantage of your position. My mother is so wishy washy. One minute I hear her brag to others how she is so proud of me for being married for so long to my husband and that my child was conceived into wed-lock and the next she talking about how back in her day she would have a man do this and that for her. The other day we got into a huge fight cuz she said that she heard that I was talking about her and I was. I was only talking about how she treats all the other grandkids better then my son (he's 6 yrs old). Instead of owning up to it she told me that she would if she cared. So naturally I went inn (got upset). I said " well I stop caring the day you told me how u felt about my son. The reason I said that because I am tired of her telling me that she don't care about how I feel or about me.I am tired of getting verbally and emotionally abused. At the end of our conversation she said "have a nice life". So basically she would rather cut me outta her life then to deal with what she did wrong and work thru it. My entire family have been brought up to push things under the rug and I will not be doing that anymore. I want to teach my son that his feelings are heard and respected and I will deal with any and every problem we will ever have. I don't want her to be no Suzie Homemaker but I did want a more healthy relationship with her. Since that will never happen i guess I will embrace what god have gave me. I appreciate this web-site

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  19. I share your pain and my heart goes out to all who have shared their story. I will share my story with you. I am 51 years old and now have two daughters, each of whom have two sons. My mother was 14 years old when I was conceived, my father 19. At birth my mother's mother (grandma) decided that she was to young to be a grandma and insisted that my mother put me away for adoption. My mother never saw my face at birth and a catholic adoption agency immediately took me away. My grandma refused to allow my mother to live in her home with a child. With much pressure from my father and other family members to remove me from the adoption center, my mother decided at the last minute, right before a white family was about to adopt me, that she would not sign the papers. As you can tell, I am a black female. Anyway, mom and dad took me and went to live with an aunt and they were married shortly after. This lasted for a while but as the years went by my mother began to drink heavily. Because of their work schedules, I was eventually sent to live with my great grandmother and her sister, both of which were already aged. As I was growing up, my father would visit me at my great grandmother's often but my mother rarely came. When she did come, she was usually drunk and would cause some sort of conflict which would result in leaving in a rampage. When I was 16, I developed a yeast infection. My mother took me to a doctor who later contacted me and insisted that I needed to have a D&C. I was leary of this diagnosis and notified my father who instructed me to visit another doctor for a second opinion. When I did, the doctor told me it was nothing more than a yeast infection. I was convinced at this time that my mother had a relationship with this crooked doctor and the intention was to sterilize me. I am so glad for a second opinion. Moving on......I graduated high school, joined the military, got married, had two daughters, earned a degree, bought a car, bought a house, and raised my daughters. Here comes the irony.....My youngest daughter became pregnant at the age of, guess what? 14, that right!! By this time, I am divorced from their father and he want's her to adopt the child. I gave her an option in that whatever she decided, I would support her decision. I know this seems strange but I could not live with the idea of suggesting abortion or adoption and she might have resented me for the rest of her life. The law is on her side even though she is a minor, it's her choice. She gave birth at 15 and then became pregnant again at 17 and gave birth at 18. Well, as you can guess, because she was a minor, the burden of the responsibility for their care rested on me. I took care of her sons and when she turned 19, she left my home. Leaving me with her son's to care for exclusively. I have raised her boys and they are now 10 and 13. During this time, she had very little contact with them and provide no support to me for them. Long story short, she now hates me and has resently been in communication with my mother who has sided with her and they both are hating me. For what, I could not tell you. But....I will say that it is extremely hurtful to me and I feel very lonely because none of my family has supported me and it has been hard raising these boys. I could not give them up. My love for the boys has caused me great suffering and now I am so tired. Here is the final straw....a couple weeks ago, the very daughter calls me to tell me that my mother has lung cancer. I don't even know how to feel or if I even have any feeling left. I pray everyday that the Lord will deliver me from this situation and send me someone who will finally love me. I have been giving all my love to everyone and getting none in return. Everyone keeps telling me I will be blessed. I keep asking GOD if he wouldn't mind putting that blessing on the express bus!! Please hang in there everyone, somehow I believe we will all be alright.

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