Not much going on in my world but I do have a question. Suppose I wrote a book on this subject...what would you like to learn from the book? What questions do you have about this subject? Would you be willing to tell your story? Give me your thoughts.
My name is Kahli, and I found your blog after typing in, "what makes a mother hate their daughter?". It is a new realisation for me, that my mother does in fact hate me. I am struggling with an array of emotions, and I am so glad I found this blog. I totally relate to everything you have said. I hope you don't mind if I tell you a little about my situation; I also feel like no one understands as it is human nature for a mother to nourish, love and protect their children.
ReplyDeleteMy relationship with my mum hasn't always been bad. In hindsight, it was never great, but I certainly don't remember ever feeling not loved as a child. She was the type of mother who was always there, always cooked dinner, always was around to drive us places, but not the sort of mother who offered advice or comfort or unconditional love. Her love has always been very conditional - just being a normal teenager was enough for her to declare that she 'loves me but doesn't like me." I've never done hard drugs, I've never stole, I was never promiscuous... I honestly believe I was a good kid, albeit, a moody little bitch, but what teenage girl isn't? After my parents split up when I was 16 (because my mum had a gambling problem and had spent thousands and thousands of dollars, and my Dad ended up losing his business and our family home), she became even more pathetic, drinking a lot, going out partying and wanting to smoke dope. She started a relationship with my Dad's good mate and moved in with him straight away. I was 19 at the time but I have 2 younger brothers who were only 16 and 12 at the time. I lasted about a month before I decided to move in with my Dad (who also wasn't doing so great but it was the lesser of 2 evils at the time). A few months later, my Dad was tragically killed in a car accident, and my world fell apart. Since then (nearly 8 years now), our relationship has deteriorated so badly the point we are at now; completely estranged, worst enemies. At times, she plays the 'good mother' card, and tells me she loves me and enquires as to my well being. But all it takes is for me to say, "well actually, things aren't so great." (I am also trapped in a bad relationship with my kids' dad, who threatens me with full custody if I were to leave) and all hell breaks loose. She is an impossibly difficult person to get along with, no matter what I say, it is a drama for HER - nevermind the person who is actually afflicted. This past weekend, she told me that I am a slut, looked me up and down and called me a skank, told me I was the biggest disappointment she has ever known, physically attacked me to the point we both started punching each other, told me that not only does she not like me, but neither do my aunty and uncle and my nan (the only other family i have). There is so much more to say, but I am getting myself a bit jumbled.
I would definitely be interested in a book, and more than willing to tell my story.
Hope to hear from you soon xo
PS. Have you ever showed your mum this blog??
I'm sorry it took so long to respond to this. I wish I could respond to every comment. The pain that others feel is very sad and heart wrenching. I am now mostly in the acceptance stage. I have mostly accepted the fact that my mother and I will never get along. I accept the fact that I will never be able to run to my mother when I am having relationship issues or just need someone to talk to. It doesn't bother me as much anymore.
ReplyDeleteYou said you have always felt that her love was conditional. I totally agree. This is one of the things that used to bother me a lot. I feel that a parent should love you no matter what. They do not have to agree with your behavior or even support the decisions you make but that is separate from loving them. I have children and some of the things they do upset me. They are choices which I feel are not good ones. Even when I am upset with them or they are punished I still make sure to tell them I love them anyway and that is something I never felt from my mother. Keep posted for more articles from me.
GoldenGirl, I have been reading the many, many comments from all over the globe.
ReplyDeleteFor days, this page, with it's muted, North Carolina-esq' Blue Ridge Mountain background has been highly calming to my senses too.
It is scary though, just how much my own life mirrors some of the other's stories on this blog, including your own.
And it Feels like I am talking to you from the future, as of the date of this writing, it is now October 30th, in the year, 2019.
I hope you keep this Blog addy page up for as long as you are able to.
I also wish you could take this format to as many places as you could to get out the word, "You are NOT alone, and YOU are definitely NOT imagining this. Nor are YOU crazy. And, you no longer have to suffer alone. 'Cause we are here, we care and WE understand, even IF those who are supposed to LOVE you, unconditionally do not, will not, and NEVER will."